Back in April, I was expecting this summer to be relatively
good. I knew that I was going to miss all my friends in Springfield, I was
expecting to have this feeling of refreshment this summer. And I guess I did,
for the first few weeks of summer. But then, it kinda just started to suck. A
lot. I was on Support Staff at Sr. High Camp, and that was a great experience.
Very challenging, but nonetheless an experience that I will take with me for
years. I was grateful beyond words to share my story with girls and help them
grow closer with the Lord. But during that week, I could not have felt farther
from God. In April, I had started praying every day that God would give me a
steady job and great opportunities to minister to people while I was in Toledo.
Every day, I expected God to just hand me what I wanted, something that I do
far too often. I hate admitting that, but I’m a spoiled brat, and it sucks
sometimes. No, not just sometimes, but all the time. It’s hard for me to not
accept that I don’t always get what I want. Anyway, when July hit I kind of
just quite life. I laid on my couch and spent hours on my laptop and watching
way to much tv and not being as active as I should have been. And when we sold
our car, that was it for me. This summer could not have gotten any worse. But
it did. I drifted apart from pretty much every single friend that I have here
in Toledo, and I felt more alone than I ever had in my whole life. I thought,
well no one cares about me here so why even am I here. No one wants to hang out
with the girl who can’t even drive herself to the mall. I was done with even
trying to reach out to people who didn’t even show an interest in wanting to
see me, let alone talk to me. Even writing this makes me sound so pathetic, but
it’s the truth, no matter how much it hurts to say it.
I have 12 days left here in this city. 12 days until I get
back to my life, the life that I have prayed for years to have. The life that I
finally have and can be happy about. Don’t get me wrong, there are things and
people here in Toledo that I love, who I would die for. But this summer has
sucked. Period. Sorry bout it. I am sad to say that I sort of wasted this summer
away, but I now know that can never happen again. God has forgiven me, of
everything I have done and will do. I can’t say that I was perfect this summer,
but I can say that I have figured out who really matters in my life and who
deserves to be in my life. I have lost many friends, but God has given me so
many more, more than I can even imagine honestly. As dark and lonely as this
summer has been, there is one promise that I hold on too: the sun rises every
morning, just like His blessings and love and mercy and grace. And I am holding
on to that for the next 12 days, as well as the next 3 years, and well, the
rest of my life.
My friends, I truly hope that you had a great summer. Mine
did have its perks. I pray that you reflect on all the many blessings, big and
small, that happened to you this summer. If you’re a Springfield peep of mine,
I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU I MISS AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH! And if you’re a Toledo
peep, we could have hung out if you had just PICKED UP THE PHONE. DANG.
Next on the list, packing and a very special night with One
Direction (IM SEEING THEM IN CONCERT YAY!)
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